Building the New

In the last few days I have found out about some significant changes that are coming for me at work. Come a week from now, the job I'll come to work for each day will not be the same job I was hired to do last June when I started here.

Some of the changes - such as payroll moving out of my wheelhouse - I have known were coming. Other changes, including the reassignment of pretty much all A/P, A/R, QuickBooks etc. I only found out about for the first time on Friday, and then had an extensive conversation about today with our accountant. In addition to the fact that my job is changing, some of our processes will be changing as well.

I don't always deal well with transition. The things that will no longer be my responsibility make up at least half of my job right now, and I'm feeling a little bit overwhelmed at the idea of so much change happening all at once.  It's not necessarily a negative thing, but I won't be doing so much administrative work and I'll be taking on more client-related work.

I am nervous, to some degree. I like organization and administration, and taking on more work having to do with clients and their systems is exciting but at the same time it's unknown territory for me. There is definitely a little part of me that's remembering that last time my job roles changed to this degree, it didn't end up going so well in the end.  I don't expect anything like that to happen again, it's a totally different company, job, and situation. But it still tugs at a nerve in me. It's almost like moving to a different department, if we were big enough to really have departments.

I have support, and I have friends telling me it will be okay, that I'll be amazing. I have coworkers who are excited that this change will allow them to be less overwhelmed because they're doing too much work for one person right now. I am excited about learning more about what we do, and being involved in the bread and butter of the company.

I know that change is a part of life that has to be embraced. I have been through a lot of change, both in my life, and changes in myself, in the past few years.  I feel more able than before to identify my feelings about the situation and to try and process them, let myself feel them, and move on to what comes next. Some of the things that I won't be doing anymore aren't even things I necessarily enjoy that much, but they do let me be a part of things in a certain way that I feel like I'll be losing.

I'm just processing, and for me, that's best done in writing. I don't have any resolution right now. I'll go home from work today feeling unsettled, and slightly panicky, and generally full of turmoil inside. I know with time I'll adjust and it will be okay. For now, though, I'm giving myself permission to feel a little bit not okay.