Dear Sam,

I can't get over how humongous you are.  Seriously.  I feel like this was the year you transitioned from seeming like a kid to just seeming like... a young PERSON.

Though you still get worked up about some things, I feel like you have also mellowed out considerably in other ways.  You seem to have found more a rhythm at school this year with your peers, and you've got a small group of friends.  Every time we're at a school event, kids are saying Hello to you and I don't even know who they are!

I guess that 5th grade was a bit the beginning of me feeling like there are things about you that I don't know.  When you were little, I could imagine your life at school and with your friends, how you were, what you might have talked about, the way you played and what the day looked like.  Now that you are older, I don't think I know anymore.  I have always worried about you, because I'm your mommy and that's kind of my job, and I can't really help it.  As you've gotten older though, I have become more confident in you.  Even though you struggle sometimes, I feel like for the most part you're more able to navigate your life than I realize.  I hope that this is true, and I hope that on the days when things don't go well or are upsetting, you'll always know you can talk to me about it.

Some of my favorite times with you are in the evenings or at bedtime when you just want to talk.  It's really fascinating and fun to just talk to you about your day, the things you think about, and watch you become who you are going to be.  You still want to cuddle with me, and sometimes I'm annoyed because it's a little hard to sleep on those nights I'm squished between your giant body and Danny's little one.  But then I remember that you won't want to cuddle with your mom for that much longer, and I put my arm around you and you are warm, and we are content.

With you, and with Danny, I've started to feel the first pangs of not understanding a younger
generation.  Your obsession with Discord and YouTube and all of that online world is a mystery to me.  You play games together that I look at and cannot fathom why or how it is entertaining or fun.  But you seem to love it.  At least you have each other to talk to!

In the last couple of months, I feel like you and Danny have hit some new stride.  Yes, you still fight.  Like, all the time.  You still get annoyed by your little brother like all big brothers do sometimes.  But there are days where you spend hours playing together, doing online role plays in Roblox or playing with swords and stuffed animals and making up crazy stories in your room.  I try to stay out of the way when this happens.  It seems like you always get along better when I'm not in the room to mess with the sibling energy.  It makes me really happy when you play together, and I still hope that when you grow up you'll be best friends.

You're going to middle school next year, and while I am a little bit freaked out by it, at the same time I am less worried than I expected to be.  I think that having more teachers is good for you, it has been this year.  I think that you'll meet more kids from other elementary schools who like the same things you do.  I am really hopeful that you will thrive as you get older.

I hope that this year we will be able to transition into the stable home life that you deserve.  Once Scott and I both have steady, stable jobs and we can get our own place I feel like we will really be able to settle into a routine as a little family of four.  It has already been pretty amazing starting to come together that way, and I can't wait to take that next step with all three of my favorite guys.

Sometimes I feel like I am not enough, because the last few years have been so hard for us as a family.  There has been so much change and there still is so much uncertainty in our lives.  But one thing that is never uncertain is that you have so many people around you that love you.  I think that has made all the difference, and I'm so grateful for it.  I hope that when you look back on your childhood, that is what you see.

This year, you'll be transitioning to full-time glasses, and I strongly suspect that in next year's birthday photo you may have some shiny braces on your teeth.  One thing I'm looking forward to this year is getting you back into swimming lessons because you love it so much, and continuing that.

Sam, you may be big, but you will always be my baby.  It seems like just yesterday that I held you with your full head of shocking blonde white hair and dark baby eyes, and realized a piece of my heart lived outside my body now.  Happy Birthday, my first baby.


Firsts This Year!

First Big Trouble: Lying to your mom!  You lied about taking your pills.  WHAT!  It was shocking and strange, and almost a little bit funny.


Favorite Book: Diary of a Wimpy Kid, Heroes in Training
Favorite Color: Blue?
Favorite Song:  Counting Stars - One Republic
Favorite Board Game: ?
Favorite Video Game: All of the Paper Mario Games, Super Smash Bros
Favorite TV Show: Not sure... we just started Futurama and you seem to like it!
Favorite YouTubers: DanTDM, Crainer, Pat & Jen, Smosh, JackSepticEye
Favorite Food: Toast, Chocolate Chip Waffles
Favorite Dessert: Oreos
Favorite Thing to Do Outside the House: Red Robin or Tinos, Swimming
Favorite Subject at School: Recess
Best Friend: Ashaan, Ezra, Charlie

Birth Story