Stay Home, Stay Healthy Day 1

Today is the first day of Governer Inslee's "Stay Home, Stay Healthy" order. All non-essential businesses have until the end of business tomorrow to shut down.

I work at a utility, so we are an essential service, but we'll be working pared-down hours and only one office staff will work each day. We'll work from home as best we can the rest of the time. We are working today and tomorrow, then will all be working from home Thursday. Next week, we'll start our rotation and see how things go.

I have been anxious and worried, and on Friday I had my doctor fill a new prescription for Xanax because I've been having anxiety and panic attacks like I haven't had since the time during my marriage's implosion over five years ago. I am trying not to worry about what's to come, even though I feel like it's going to be very, very bad.

Yesterday when our boss explained the plan, I felt a great sense of relief. I am extraordinarily lucky to work for an employer who is doing their best to offer us maximum protection while providing our customers with the best level of service we can manage. A huge weight has been lifted from my shoulders for the time being.

This morning, I had an idea. I have been worried about our grief - I wrote on Medium about how I don't know where all of our grief is going to go. Not just for the people we will lose, but for our inability to say goodbye or to mourn in the ways we are accustomed to. Beyond that, the loss of whatever our 'normal' was, and all of the things that seem so unsure and scary right now.

I've created a space on Facebook called the Whatcom County Covid19 Memorial. I've probably bitten off more than I can chew, but it feels right in that same way that things do when I know I have something to give. I'm hoping the page will become a place for humans to connect in this time of isolation, and where we can celebrate the lives of those we lose. Right now it's still kind of wispy and dream-like, so we'll have to see where it goes.

I'm feeling a little apprehensive about being at home with my family most of the time. I don't do the best when I'm cooped up, but hopefully we'll be able to manage, and having the kids maintain their time at their other house will definitely be a saving grace for me.